obsessed

I watched an episode of the show 'Obsessed' this afternoon in my attempt to have some "quiet time". The show follows two people who suffer from OCD. each subject allows the camera to follow them around and capture their obsessive rituals when they are extremely anxious.

I found the show enticing because I suffer from panic disorder and have OCD tendencies. Instead of performing rituals like checking the stove, I go into full blown panic attacks that hit me seemingly out of the blue. I think it means I am not dealing with my stress well.

After watching this show I felt SO much better about my so called idiosyncrasies, and habits that I do have when I am anxious- hubby will attest to this. The guy on the show was SO compulsive he in a way was my dream of how to live. EVERYthing in his house was white, no dirt or anything out. No clutter. No anything really! Super Zen - but not in a healthy way. He was very unhappy because he couldn't' have visitors over without freaking out about them introducing germs into his space.
I'm not that bad.

I am diabetic and test my blood sugars at least 10 times a day. Seems like a lot, but lucky for me I am compulsive and type A and neurotic and a control freak, and it fits this particular disease very well. I tend to know more about diabetes than my GP's, definitely the nurses and diabetic educators. I also got my certificate in Nutrition.
So, because I test so much I need clean hands. All the time.
I wash my hands all the time. For real- all the time. Am I this way from diabetes? Would I be this way anyway? Who is to say.

Other compulsions- straightening the rug in the hall, making beds, wiping surfaces.

But compared to the guy on the show? I'm nothing! NADA.
Through exposure therapy they "cure' the people of their OCD somewhat to the point they can go back to a normal life. Kind of.

I tried Lexapro, an SSRI, recently to see if it would help with my breakthrough anxiety and help out a bit. It helped too much. I didn't care about anything! I was kind of happy to be there and that was it. I didn't take it past 3 weeks because I felt I should care and there were more drawbacks than gains, but I know now that if I ever not want to care then that's the SSRI for me!!

So to those of you out there suffering like the dude in the show, or like me a little, you are not alone. God bless those who decide to love us and live with us despite our quirkiness.

starbucks cards

I am a fan of Starbucks cards. I collect them. I have about 70 now. I haven't bought one in a year or so but grab new ones when they come out and have friends who look for me when they travel. It's great. I like to look through them and pick out favorites to use every month. I realize the only people who see them are the cashiers and me. But I feel good knowing I have a little treasure art piece with me.

I figure it must be some sort of hoarding device that I have in my head that knows if I ever REALLY need cash I can sell them on ebay.

I have one from Greece, one from Taiwan, one from Sydney, and many from Hawaii. I also have a few shareholder cards.

I am a shareholder. Or was, I have to check.
I also got to test out the Black Card which gives me 10% off every purchase. It's awesome. No fee for me either!
Funny thing is that I'm not a froo froo drink person either- I get drip coffee. Partly because it's cheap and also because I don't drink a lot of milk or have any sugar since I'm diabetic. But, I do frequent SBUX almost daily and sometimes twice.
Not such a bad habit though, I can think of worse!

probiotics!!!

read this on Mercola today :
microbial populations in the gut are different between obese and lean people, and that when the obese people lost weight their microflora changed.

read more...
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/05/30/The-Newfound-Link-Between-Probiotics.aspx

Guess I'll be heading to the fridge 'bout now. I have 2 kinds. One is a liquied that is blueberry flavored and yogurty... yum. The other is Primal Defense and it is scary dark caplets but do the job as well.
Not in the mood for scary and dark just now so I'll go with the yummy yogurty kind.

morning thoughts from the treadmill

I run in the mornings. At about mile 2 I usually have some point that I get to in my mind. I think it takes 2 miles for all the jibberish to go away so I can think clearly. I love it.

Today I am thinking 2 things:

1. How far can I run after eating 1/2 cup oatmeal today and .6 units of novolog insulin "on board" before I have to stop? - answer was 43 minutes.

2. As much as I enjoy and encourage my daughter in her activities outside of school- hula, gymnastics, ballet, track etc... How much of this is ME living vicariously through her? I had my clarity moment when I realized this morning how much I want to do ballet. I want to swing on the bars. I have never pushed her to do these things, and only try to be supportive, but I also do get some sort of satisfaction being there as a witness because I am the mom. I am part of it in a way.

I will vow to try and be aware of this as she grows and does more and more. I will not be the 'stage mom" and put her in things I want her to do. I will ask her how she feels about her activities and not ever force her to do things. I have seen too much of that in other families. It is so hard on the kids.

If she likes it and wants to do it. Great. Enough said.

Momentum

I chose this title because I have things in my life that are hurdles to jump, sometimes mountains to climb. Someitmes bumps to jump.

Regardless, I keep Momentum. I know life is all about struggle and overcoming challenges. Sometimes those challenges are forever, sometimes they are limited in time.

I have bad moments and bad days, but I wake up in the morning and always say to myself "Keep going..."

I have momentum.

Hi , it's me

Hi all,

I am starting a new blog- and here it is!. It my personal one. Not just art, or just diabetes, or JUST nutrition. This time- It's all me folks!

I tweet a lot and you can find me there as cplusjw. I want to blog as well because there is more to say than 140 characters sometimes. Lots of times.


Feel free to comment, and I'll post them if they are nice. Just kidding. Feedback is important and good. Please do so.

Topics will vary from those mentioned above to what I ate last night to what shoes I like,m to motherhood, to panic attacks. you name it!

So welcome and come back lots.

Claire