There's a javelin in my office

This summer I signed my daughter up for a track club. It is run by a family friend of ours who is nationally treasured in the track community and is an incredible woman. The club met for the first time and I saw my daughter take to the events of the day like a fish to water. She ran, jumped, and flew around like she was programmed for it.

I felt like a scout looking for the next generation of athletes to take and train through their growing years to one day be Olympians the way some countries do. Well, instead I talked with my daughter about the events and how she felt. She liked them! Even wanted to keep going!

That week again I had the feeling like I was pushing her towards something maybe I wanted her to do? Is that because I wanted her to be good at something I could have been good at? I never went out for track and field as a kid. Back then I didn't see myself as an athlete.

I started a dialogue with my dad, a 3 time Olympian in the Hammer throw, who at 69 is heading to Finland next week to compete and will most likely win for his age group in the World Masters Championship Games. I wanted to know about the events, and asked him to take me out to throw a few things. I threw the javelin, discus and hammer. Not far, but enough to see for myself that I can do something that would put me right in the competition if I wanted.

That's the question... do I want it? I could start competing in the women's masters category 35-39 in all three events, or one. Do I want my name called? To feel the anxiety, the butterflies of not knowing if my throws will go out of the sector? Step past the circle or over the line?

I set a goal for next summer to enter the Master's Nationals in Sacramento. I have been to so many meets as a spectator, but never been in one myself. I will start practicing, training a bit, and gearing up over the next year to see what I can do. It needs to be 3 things though and I have no doubt it will be:

1. fun
2. challenging
3. rewarding

For the past month I have watched my daughter run in All Comers meets and I can see some older folks who are competing as masters and I think, cool. They are getting out there. Now that I have the life experience to know I have nothing to lose, I too will get myself out there.

If my daughter loves track and field as she grows up I will be ecstatic. I love track and field. If she moves on to something else, it's ok. She will have her own journey. I have found a new one for me.

Is it just me or..?

Having diabetes isn't something you can see. Well, if I am in my bikini, then yes, you can see my insertion site with 23 inches of tubing connecting to my pump which has a fabulous "skin" sticker on it in a turquoise water design. But, without that... most people have no idea I am diabetic unless I tell them.

Type 1 is a 24 hour disease with no vacations, no coffee breaks, and no points for good behavior. It will be there regardless of if I have had a good day or bad day. If I exercised or not, and if I want it or not. Yay me.

I have never tried to hide it, in the 11 years I have had diabetes. I tell people when it comes up, just as I would tell them I have a blister on my toe from running barefoot. It is part of me.

When I go on vacation, I usually meet about 3-4 people who either are type 1 or have a family member with it. being in bathing suits exposes my "true self" and I get a total kick out of the people who come hollering over or waving me down to say "hi!" You have type 1!" and then say goodbye to the next hour while I compare stores and gadgets, etc with my new best friend.

In my little world where I live I am the only one with type 1 I know except for a friend of mine who I rarely get to see, being busy moms. I mostly get my support from my family and online with social networking sites. I can't imagine life without being able to chat and write about my day to day issues now. Anytime I need to vent or give a good report, bad report, I can write about it and hundreds of people are there to read and post back. As much as I am a "lone wolf" out here, I am not alone in cyberspace.

I have a friend who, when she was 10 had a crush on a boy. he found out she liked hi and word came back to my friend that he "would " like her back, but she has diabetes. She from that moment on, hid having diabetes from everyone. She ate pizza, candy, drank soda, and never tested or took shots in front of anyone all day. At one point she said to me she was only testing maybe once a week.

She now has had kidney failure and receive a kidney/pancreas transplant at the age of 35.technically, now she has no more diabetes, but will spend her life on immune suppressants and risks infections. Grass is greener on the diabetes side for me I think...so far at least I am complication free.

Perhaps if my friend had a way to post, blog, email - all the ways and tools we now have to get support and connect- she wouldn't have kept herself hidden for so long. I am not alone in this. I can now look at faces of people just like me in their little picture squares on my screen and know they understand. And I am grateful for that.