Chana Dal!

I want to chant that over and over to the tune of "Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire....
"Chana Dal"...Chana Dal"

I have known about this little lentil/garbanzo for as long as Mendoza has been writing about diabetes- seems like- forever. It is finally time I gave it a try.

This summer I made a commitment to 40 days of yoga every morning.
I am on day 2.

But really, I usually do Vinyasa Yoga once a week at least, so this isn't going to be a huge stretch (pun) for me to accomplish. I had forgotten how much it helps me start the day off well and in a a lessened anxiety state. Having type 1 puts me in a constant state of fear.

"Am I low? High? How much insulin is on board? What if I go low on the road? What if I can't get my numbers down? " Is a constant dialogue in my head.
With yoga, those thoughts don't go away really, but get put in a corner for a while. I send them to the "naughty chair" if you will.

So along with my Summer of Yoga, I am also attempting to cook some new yoga inspired dishes. Indian, vegetarian, and the kind that will make me all stinky the next day.
I thought of Mendoza and re-read his page on Chana dal and how it is truly the best legume to eat for diabetics.

So tonight I made my now beloved Chana Dal and my numbers are GREAT!

YES!

for recipes and the page on Chana Dal go here: http://mendosa.com/chanadal.html

the Blue Pearl

This past weekend my husband and I took our daughter... we call her T G for "the girl" up to SF for an overnight. We have been going up there since she was 2, and have some rituals we love to do. We love Union Square, and eat lunch at the Rotunda. TG loves the popovers- well who doesn't?? and she dips them in her "demitasse" of consomme. Sometimes I can't believe she knew these words so young. Poor warped child thinks this is normal...

Sunday was gorgeous weather and we were headed to Golden Gate Park to show TG where we got married. - It's this little pond with grass and daisies and ducks and turtles. Very quiet and out of the way. So out of the way we didn't make it. TG's feet hurt and I had taken us through some wrong turns.

The cool part was that we went to the Japanese Tea Garden. Huge Touristy place that charges crazy money for cheap tea and no Splenda- (turning up nose).... (Diabetes humor, I apologize)

We walked around the paths and started appreciating the trees and bonsai etc.. Then we came to a little Zen rock garden and there was a bench with nobody really around. I started telling TG that this was a meditation spot. next thing you know, I am describing meditation, how to do it and we are all sitting there for like 5-10 minutes totally meditating. here this little 6 year old is super "Zenned" out and in a state of calm and happiness I hadn't seen before. She fed off of it so much- wanted to stop and meditate over and over again as we trekked through the park.

I never meditate. I only started when I was reading Eat Love Pray last year and thought it would be a really good thing for me to do to help my diabetes and my anxiety. So here I am now telling TG about the blue pearl and how people who meditate their whole lives never see it but some can and now she is on a total quest to see it.

What have I done?

Coolest part- she is free associating talking while we are walking, as she does, and she is telling us how when you meditate your questions are answered and how it helps you know right from wrong.

What!???

I was so floored. because, to me that is the reason to meditate. To let the shit filter away and just get some clarity without really thinking about anything specifically. I call it "God talk" because it is as if someone is helping you see the big picture.

I need to meditate more. I don't need to see the blue pearl. I will encourage my daughter to meditate as much as she wants. She's so cool.

sabotage

Today's post is a short one, and one that has a personal point to it, but maybe it will start an internal dialog with you as well.

Question: why do we sabotage ourselves?

Here's my conundrum: Being a diabetic, I know I need to be on the ball 90 % of the time. I allow for life to happen and enjoy when I feel it's a good thing. Like birthday cake on my birthday, bites of this and that. But- on a daily basis I am sabotaging myself slowly into what has become years of bad habits.

For some it might be alcohol, drugs, porn, you name it. With me its the "witching hour" of 8 o'clock when I have my daughter in bed and i hit the fridge. It's like a 30 minute as fast as I can eat it binge.
Now mind you, i track my calories, nutrition etc. religiously on Livestrong.com and I tend to know how many calories I have consumed for the day prior to "the feeding" and I am not really considering this a sabotage in the diet sense. What is is hurting is my blood sugars.

No matter what I count and bolus for the carbs I eat (which are low) I will always wake up in the night or next morning with high numbers. Like in the 220's. For years now.

So, I wake up, I bolus a correction on my pump, do my workout to assist the insulin to get back down, and then try to stay down the rest of the day until- "the witching hour"

I need to go to bed at 8 I think with my daughter and then I'd be SO much better for it.

My question for you: what is your sabotaging habits? How do we change our behavior? We know what we do and sometimes the reasons behind it, yet it continues. My question to myself is why do I work so damn hard all day just to kill it every night in 30 minutes of what? a taste? a full belly?

God Speed y'all

morning ritual

6am: dog whining to go out to pee, stagger out of bed. start coffee, dog cleanup potty pad. get shoes on.

6:30 wake up girl to get ready for school. rinse berries and put in little dish. gt cereal ready. napkin. mat. pour coffee with (now) almond milk. unsweetened of course despite the pounds of Splenda I consume in a day. test BG. 220. bummer. correction bolus with pump.

7:15 drive carpool to school. takes 30 minutes each way. no traffic today is a plus! Kids all singing Rhianna and Lady Gaga. cute.

8am make oatmeal and get on workout clothes. Put in Tracey Anderson DVD. put on GoWear Fit armband to track by activity today. Get on Daily Plate from www.livestrong.com to track my food today. little bolus of insulin for oatmeal.

9am feel good from the bouncing around in the living room to DVD. Wake up hubby to go for Friday coffee walk. test. bolus for coffee- 170 after walk... funky, should be lower. Must be hormonal. ( always a great excuse but in this instance it's true.)

now- heading out soon to meet kindergarten after school end of the year party.

I feel like I've had a full day already!

Tonight is First Friday in Downtown Campbell. I have to go because all the shops stay open late for buyers.

What buyers?? Nobody comes in. Ok, maybe like 5 people.
I have decided to just paint tonight instead of sitting there, and also set up and easel for my daughter too. It's way more fun that way and besides, I might as well be productive!

SO that's my day. I'll blog something super interesting tomorrow, like why we shouldn't be drinking cows milk or How my awesome hubby set up a tv in the garage so I can watch Tivo while I run.
Love you hon!

Aloha Friday!

obsessed

I watched an episode of the show 'Obsessed' this afternoon in my attempt to have some "quiet time". The show follows two people who suffer from OCD. each subject allows the camera to follow them around and capture their obsessive rituals when they are extremely anxious.

I found the show enticing because I suffer from panic disorder and have OCD tendencies. Instead of performing rituals like checking the stove, I go into full blown panic attacks that hit me seemingly out of the blue. I think it means I am not dealing with my stress well.

After watching this show I felt SO much better about my so called idiosyncrasies, and habits that I do have when I am anxious- hubby will attest to this. The guy on the show was SO compulsive he in a way was my dream of how to live. EVERYthing in his house was white, no dirt or anything out. No clutter. No anything really! Super Zen - but not in a healthy way. He was very unhappy because he couldn't' have visitors over without freaking out about them introducing germs into his space.
I'm not that bad.

I am diabetic and test my blood sugars at least 10 times a day. Seems like a lot, but lucky for me I am compulsive and type A and neurotic and a control freak, and it fits this particular disease very well. I tend to know more about diabetes than my GP's, definitely the nurses and diabetic educators. I also got my certificate in Nutrition.
So, because I test so much I need clean hands. All the time.
I wash my hands all the time. For real- all the time. Am I this way from diabetes? Would I be this way anyway? Who is to say.

Other compulsions- straightening the rug in the hall, making beds, wiping surfaces.

But compared to the guy on the show? I'm nothing! NADA.
Through exposure therapy they "cure' the people of their OCD somewhat to the point they can go back to a normal life. Kind of.

I tried Lexapro, an SSRI, recently to see if it would help with my breakthrough anxiety and help out a bit. It helped too much. I didn't care about anything! I was kind of happy to be there and that was it. I didn't take it past 3 weeks because I felt I should care and there were more drawbacks than gains, but I know now that if I ever not want to care then that's the SSRI for me!!

So to those of you out there suffering like the dude in the show, or like me a little, you are not alone. God bless those who decide to love us and live with us despite our quirkiness.

starbucks cards

I am a fan of Starbucks cards. I collect them. I have about 70 now. I haven't bought one in a year or so but grab new ones when they come out and have friends who look for me when they travel. It's great. I like to look through them and pick out favorites to use every month. I realize the only people who see them are the cashiers and me. But I feel good knowing I have a little treasure art piece with me.

I figure it must be some sort of hoarding device that I have in my head that knows if I ever REALLY need cash I can sell them on ebay.

I have one from Greece, one from Taiwan, one from Sydney, and many from Hawaii. I also have a few shareholder cards.

I am a shareholder. Or was, I have to check.
I also got to test out the Black Card which gives me 10% off every purchase. It's awesome. No fee for me either!
Funny thing is that I'm not a froo froo drink person either- I get drip coffee. Partly because it's cheap and also because I don't drink a lot of milk or have any sugar since I'm diabetic. But, I do frequent SBUX almost daily and sometimes twice.
Not such a bad habit though, I can think of worse!

probiotics!!!

read this on Mercola today :
microbial populations in the gut are different between obese and lean people, and that when the obese people lost weight their microflora changed.

read more...
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/05/30/The-Newfound-Link-Between-Probiotics.aspx

Guess I'll be heading to the fridge 'bout now. I have 2 kinds. One is a liquied that is blueberry flavored and yogurty... yum. The other is Primal Defense and it is scary dark caplets but do the job as well.
Not in the mood for scary and dark just now so I'll go with the yummy yogurty kind.

morning thoughts from the treadmill

I run in the mornings. At about mile 2 I usually have some point that I get to in my mind. I think it takes 2 miles for all the jibberish to go away so I can think clearly. I love it.

Today I am thinking 2 things:

1. How far can I run after eating 1/2 cup oatmeal today and .6 units of novolog insulin "on board" before I have to stop? - answer was 43 minutes.

2. As much as I enjoy and encourage my daughter in her activities outside of school- hula, gymnastics, ballet, track etc... How much of this is ME living vicariously through her? I had my clarity moment when I realized this morning how much I want to do ballet. I want to swing on the bars. I have never pushed her to do these things, and only try to be supportive, but I also do get some sort of satisfaction being there as a witness because I am the mom. I am part of it in a way.

I will vow to try and be aware of this as she grows and does more and more. I will not be the 'stage mom" and put her in things I want her to do. I will ask her how she feels about her activities and not ever force her to do things. I have seen too much of that in other families. It is so hard on the kids.

If she likes it and wants to do it. Great. Enough said.

Momentum

I chose this title because I have things in my life that are hurdles to jump, sometimes mountains to climb. Someitmes bumps to jump.

Regardless, I keep Momentum. I know life is all about struggle and overcoming challenges. Sometimes those challenges are forever, sometimes they are limited in time.

I have bad moments and bad days, but I wake up in the morning and always say to myself "Keep going..."

I have momentum.

Hi , it's me

Hi all,

I am starting a new blog- and here it is!. It my personal one. Not just art, or just diabetes, or JUST nutrition. This time- It's all me folks!

I tweet a lot and you can find me there as cplusjw. I want to blog as well because there is more to say than 140 characters sometimes. Lots of times.


Feel free to comment, and I'll post them if they are nice. Just kidding. Feedback is important and good. Please do so.

Topics will vary from those mentioned above to what I ate last night to what shoes I like,m to motherhood, to panic attacks. you name it!

So welcome and come back lots.

Claire