sabotage

Today's post is a short one, and one that has a personal point to it, but maybe it will start an internal dialog with you as well.

Question: why do we sabotage ourselves?

Here's my conundrum: Being a diabetic, I know I need to be on the ball 90 % of the time. I allow for life to happen and enjoy when I feel it's a good thing. Like birthday cake on my birthday, bites of this and that. But- on a daily basis I am sabotaging myself slowly into what has become years of bad habits.

For some it might be alcohol, drugs, porn, you name it. With me its the "witching hour" of 8 o'clock when I have my daughter in bed and i hit the fridge. It's like a 30 minute as fast as I can eat it binge.
Now mind you, i track my calories, nutrition etc. religiously on Livestrong.com and I tend to know how many calories I have consumed for the day prior to "the feeding" and I am not really considering this a sabotage in the diet sense. What is is hurting is my blood sugars.

No matter what I count and bolus for the carbs I eat (which are low) I will always wake up in the night or next morning with high numbers. Like in the 220's. For years now.

So, I wake up, I bolus a correction on my pump, do my workout to assist the insulin to get back down, and then try to stay down the rest of the day until- "the witching hour"

I need to go to bed at 8 I think with my daughter and then I'd be SO much better for it.

My question for you: what is your sabotaging habits? How do we change our behavior? We know what we do and sometimes the reasons behind it, yet it continues. My question to myself is why do I work so damn hard all day just to kill it every night in 30 minutes of what? a taste? a full belly?

God Speed y'all