obsessed

I watched an episode of the show 'Obsessed' this afternoon in my attempt to have some "quiet time". The show follows two people who suffer from OCD. each subject allows the camera to follow them around and capture their obsessive rituals when they are extremely anxious.

I found the show enticing because I suffer from panic disorder and have OCD tendencies. Instead of performing rituals like checking the stove, I go into full blown panic attacks that hit me seemingly out of the blue. I think it means I am not dealing with my stress well.

After watching this show I felt SO much better about my so called idiosyncrasies, and habits that I do have when I am anxious- hubby will attest to this. The guy on the show was SO compulsive he in a way was my dream of how to live. EVERYthing in his house was white, no dirt or anything out. No clutter. No anything really! Super Zen - but not in a healthy way. He was very unhappy because he couldn't' have visitors over without freaking out about them introducing germs into his space.
I'm not that bad.

I am diabetic and test my blood sugars at least 10 times a day. Seems like a lot, but lucky for me I am compulsive and type A and neurotic and a control freak, and it fits this particular disease very well. I tend to know more about diabetes than my GP's, definitely the nurses and diabetic educators. I also got my certificate in Nutrition.
So, because I test so much I need clean hands. All the time.
I wash my hands all the time. For real- all the time. Am I this way from diabetes? Would I be this way anyway? Who is to say.

Other compulsions- straightening the rug in the hall, making beds, wiping surfaces.

But compared to the guy on the show? I'm nothing! NADA.
Through exposure therapy they "cure' the people of their OCD somewhat to the point they can go back to a normal life. Kind of.

I tried Lexapro, an SSRI, recently to see if it would help with my breakthrough anxiety and help out a bit. It helped too much. I didn't care about anything! I was kind of happy to be there and that was it. I didn't take it past 3 weeks because I felt I should care and there were more drawbacks than gains, but I know now that if I ever not want to care then that's the SSRI for me!!

So to those of you out there suffering like the dude in the show, or like me a little, you are not alone. God bless those who decide to love us and live with us despite our quirkiness.